It’s Saturday! That means it’s check-in day, and what a first week it has been.
I have simultaneously quit drinking, started “walking” again, and returned to work. Because why tackle one major life change when you can raw-dog three at the same time? Maybe I should have thought that timeline through a little better, but it has actually worked surprisingly well.
Here is the breakdown of my first week in official “adulting” mode.
What has surprised me?
- The weird cravings: I was brushing my teeth one morning and randomly craved wine. Now, I don’t usually drink Sauvignon Blanc at 7:00 AM, but I felt this sudden pang of anxiety knowing I couldn’t have a glass later.
- Autopilot moments: Driving home, my hands tried to automatically steer the car into the bottle store several times. Then there was planning a weekend catch-up with a friend over a vino, before realizing—oh right, we need to find an actual activity now instead of just lifting glasses to our faces. What do people even do? Stare at each other?
- A sober partner: The biggest plot twist is that my wonderful partner has been sober all week too! Look, I’m not sure if it’ll last the weekend, or if “sober” is his code word for “just one or two secret garage beers,” but I haven’t seen him drink and there has been zero wine on the table. An unexpected, thoroughly pleasant bonus.
What do I miss?
I miss what I think wine gives me. In my head, wine is the ultimate relaxer. In reality, it just makes me irritable and short-tempered. Stepping back to examine that is like metacognition on steroids—literally examining my thoughts about my thoughts.
I do miss the effortless, easy catch-up activity with friends and family. But once I can walk with more ease, we will find alternatives. Long-term, they will probably be way more enjoyable anyway.
What hasn’t been as hard as expected?
Honestly? The whole damn thing. It turns out my toxic trait of being a massive people-pleaser is actually a superpower for accountability. It simply wasn’t an option to drink because I refuse to let anyone down. Even if absolutely no one out there is monitoring me, the delusion that you are all watching is spurring me on.
What excuses have I made?
Zero. None in the booze domain, anyway. I’ve done exactly what I said I would do and remained completely unwavering. For now, at least.
What replacement behaviours have emerged?
I am drinking an aggressive amount of tea. I even bought Blue Lotus and Kanna tea because they are supposed to have “mild psychedelic properties” and I thought I might need an edge to get through. Spoiler alert: they did absolutely nothing. Instead, I’m just drinking my usual six cups of coffee, basic black tea, green tea, sparkling water with lemon at dinner, and chamomile before bed.
Jesus. Is this it? Is this the final step into official nanadom? Bring on the knitting.
This Week’s Numbers
I considered weighing in, but I hate scales. Kilos and BMI are terrible reflections of actual health unless you are severely overweight. Instead, I am tracking metrics that matter. I may add more later, when I actually get back to the gym, but these will do for a start.
- Heart Rate Variability (HRV):
This measures the millisecond fluctuations between heartbeats, reflecting stress resilience and cardiovascular health (1). My overall baseline range sits between 40 and 56ms. On Sunday 27 June—the last night I drank—my overnight HRV plummeted to 35ms (down from my usual 39ms average that week). Garmin flagged me as “Unbalanced” (not the first time I’ve been told that!). Last night, my HRV rose to 47ms, bringing my 5-day alcohol-free average to 40ms. Garmin still considers me unbalanced, but I’m heading in the right direction. - Sleep Quality:
On Sunday night, my sleep score was a rocky 75/100—good REM (oddly), but poor everything else. Last night, I hit a massive 96/100 with a great mix of light, deep, and REM sleep. My average since Monday has stabilized at 82/100. - Steps: Not a viable metric currently, given it still takes me 10 minutes to walk from one end of the house to the other and I still periodically resort to zooming on the knee scooter when the pain gets too much. I will keep an eye on this as my mobility improves, as movement will heavily impact this experiment.
This Week’s Mood Ratings
- Mood (7/10): Overall, I’ve been happy and relatively stable (emphasis on relatively). Apart from a few meltdowns when the kids completely ignored me, it has taken a lot to push me over the edge. That said, their constant screaming and fighting has still periodically seen the banshee in me come out to play.
- Energy (6/10): I’ve felt a pretty good “get up and go” most of the time. I had one night where I was totally shattered, but overall, I haven’t been too lethargic. Usually I wake up feeling good, but I’m usually wiped out by the end of the day (by end of the day I mean 7pm). I think the pain may not be helping so hopefully the energy will only improve as the foot gets stronger.
- Motivation (7/10): This ties closely to energy—when I have momentum, I get energetic, and vice versa. It’s still physically challenging, but being able to do a bit more has been highly motivating.
- Anxiety (2/10): Pretty low. I’m only returning to work at a snail’s pace, and the regular chaos of home isn’t currently triggering me too much.
- Irritability (7/10): This stems from a couple of rough nights where I was tired and incredibly sore from overdoing the physical movement. I was short with the family, but nowhere near as bad as my standard wine-induced rage. My tolerance was low and I wasn’t putting up with any “just one more book” bedtime bullshit, but I didn’t completely loop out.
- Focus (8/10): Really not bad. This seems tightly linked to my energy levels and how many open tabs are currently running in my brain.
The Verdict
I would round this first week off as a success. I’m alcohol-free and haven’t second-guessed the decision at all. I’m feeling pretty good—though I’m not entirely sure I will be able to sustain this glowing level of positivity come Monday, when the reality sinks in that the school holidays are here and the kids are home for two weeks. Unoccupied. Unrestrained. Send help.
- https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/how-relevant-is-heart-rate-variability