I decided to delay Saturday’s post in order to provide a thorough assessment of the week that has been, whilst still basking in its glory (or at least before the shine wears off). It was supposed to be done yesterday, but life got in the way. So, here is my belated ‘dear diary’—the week that was.
The Fine Line Between Family Time and Alcoholism
On Friday, we travelled to Wellington for a weekend of adventuring around our capital city, topped off by the All Blacks v Italy game. All done stone-cold sober. Our two most recent family holidays involved a lot of wine. Fishing with three kids and a slightly OTT hubby will drive any rational person to the bottle—and frankly, who can resist an alcoholic traffic light from good old Cobb n Co? So, I accept no fault in those past actions. Additionally, at the last few stadium events we attended as a family, I felt I required alcohol just to soften the responsibilities of parenting.
At one of these events, one of my children managed to get himself trapped down the back of a fold-up seat. I was laughing too hard to be able to extract him without assistance from the people sitting behind us, so it probably isn’t a shining example of how well booze and parenting go together!
Anyway, this weekend has been an excellent demonstration to myself that I don’t need alcohol to interact with the world and manage the stress of the kids. And it was really not as difficult as I had convinced myself it would be.
The fact that the price of alcohol at the stadium was slightly exorbitant definitely helped, but I genuinely enjoyed myself without it. The atmosphere was great, the kids had a blast, and getting in and out of the stadium was so much easier and more stress-free than I expected. I think the hardest part of the whole trip, alcohol-wise, was the drive down and arriving at the hotel. That is where I would usually enjoy a few drinks to celebrate making it there without leaving anyone on the side of the road. But the thought was gone as quickly as it had arrived, so it wouldn’t even classify as a craving.
The Week That Was (Viewed in Brutal, Sober High-Definition)
Reviewing the week as a whole, it’s been another big one. I’ve got an official return-to-work plan with increasing hours over the next few weeks, so I’ve been back in the office and starting to get back into the swing of things. Plus, the kids are still on school holidays, so the days I’m working from home or finishing early are not without stress.
But again, the accountability of diarising this whole adventure has meant there is no question about whether or not to drink. It feels strange, but it’s like I just don’t want or need booze anymore, and I’m completely okay with it.
The Heroic Martyrdom of Six Steinlagers
Now, that said, the co-pilot did choose to drink at the All Blacks game. He said he was willing to do it just for the sake of the experiment, so I must acknowledge his commitment to helping me on this adventure (eye roll). And he really was committed, too. Crushing 6 Steinlager cans and 2 Jamisons and Dry, in slightly less than 3 hours—after almost 2 weeks of no booze—is a massive effort.
Consulting the Wrist-Mounted Dictator (The Stats)
HRV: My HRV was good for a few nights, then completely bottomed out over the last few evenings. I suspect there are several reasons for this. I’ve been pushing my ankle quite hard, and the pain has woken me throughout the night. Plus, we’ve been staying in a motel the last 2 nights, eating mainly takeaways, living out of routine, and I suspect I am trying to fight off a cold. All these things impact HRV. My average for the last 7 days is 37, and I’m still unbalanced.- Sleep Score: Over the past week, my average sleep score has been 80. The problem with averages, though, is that all it takes to skew the data is one significant outlier. Every night this week I have been above 80 (sometimes up to 87), but last night was bad at 72, which dragged the total average down. So, it’s sort of on par with where I was last week.
- The Co-Pilot’s Stats: While my HRV and sleep scores currently aren’t documenting a huge change from quitting alcohol, my co-pilot’s definitely are. He stopped 2 weeks ago (and informs me there have been no garage beers) and over this time his HRV and sleep scores has been good and trending upward. Until Saturday night, that is—after he imbibed at the game. He kindly agreed for me to post his numbers and graph which shows the massive impact alcohol had on his recovery and sleep (Sunday 56ms and the big dip on the graph). I think this came as a bit of an eye-opener to him, though not enough to fully deter him from swearing off entirely.
- Steps: This is starting to become more relevant. Saturday I did 11,000 steps! I would say roughly half were done without sticks and on uneven ground. Admittedly, I did require heavy pain meds (which also may have impacted my HRV) and it would probably be considered slightly overdoing it at this stage of recovery, but overall, there is an increasing upward trend.
Overall, while my stats aren’t yet reflecting a major positive shift from going sober, I have to keep things in perspective. It is slightly annoying because I really hoped to see a massive jump like the co-pilot’s. However, I need to keep in mind that my baseline HRV was set back when I was consistently hitting the gym and crushing well over 10,000 steps a day, which is likely skewing the comparison. Ultimately, I just need to remember that ceasing the intake of a poison is always going to be a positive—even if my Garmin is a judgmental little robot that refuses to validate my life choices.
The emotional stability of an Ikea coffee table
- Energy (7/10): Up and down again. I have been tired more than I’d like to admit, and I think that is reflected in my HRV and recovery stats. I have been able to get up and do the things I need to do, but it has taken more willpower than I would like at times.
- Motivation (7/10): The motivation differs depending on the task. I have been motivated this weekend; doing stuff with the family and things that bring enjoyment is easy to get up for. However, while there are certain aspects of my job that I love, desk work—which is what I am currently confined to doing—is not one of them. Motivation in this particular domain is well below par.
- Anxiety (3/10): For someone who doesn’t handle crowds very well, going to the game surrounded by tens of thousands of people and talking to random strangers sitting beside us didn’t trigger me at all. What did trigger me was the bus ride home. We ended up on the wrong bus, it was all my fault, the kids were going to be up late, and they hadn’t been fed… but then we exited, got ourselves turned around, and finally headed in the right direction. Almost immediately, it became funny—a bit of an adventure. I wonder if it would have been the same if I had been drinking? Probably not. Other than trying to navigate the Wellington bus system, I think the biggest anxiety-provoking things this week have been finances and work, but that’s just life.
- Irritability (7/10): My irritability this weekend especially has most often been driven by pain. When I’ve pushed myself too hard and my ankle is screaming, the last thing I want to do is try to respond to Oli asking, “Mum, what’s 2 plus 2?” when he bloody well knows the answer! Also, road-tripping with kids arguing non-stop has a tendency to grate on my nerves and make me titchy. And then there is the constant source of tension between my love and I about food on road trips. We can never, ever easily decide where we are going or what we are eating. Then he tells the kids we aren’t stopping for food because they won’t stop arguing, so we all end up starving, which does absolutely nothing for anyone’s patience… so maybe I’m actually above a 7, but that’s my score and I’m sticking to it!
- Focus (8/10): Again, not a major problem this week.
Things I Know but Apparently Needed to Learn Again
Parenting in the moment is torturous and hard, and it makes me question why the hell we didn’t just get 10 dogs! But retrospectively, the selective amnesia kicks in, and all I remember are the beautiful boys, the amazing partner, and the wonderful life we live. I might joke a lot about burying them all in the backyard, but through and through, I am exactly where I am meant to be, with the people I am meant to be with. I am truly blessed. And the best part? I don’t even need a glass of wine to enjoy it anymore. Though if anyone asks, I still accept absolutely no fault for those historic Cobb n Co traffic lights.
